Breakup Guidelines

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to take the time and talk to you all about something very difficult to do. Ending a relationship can be very tough and it helps to have some direction.

It can take a while to figure out the best way to end things with someone. We all hope it doesn't need to happen, but life experience tells us that sooner or later it will. When you go about breaking up with someone there are some guidelines that you should keep in mind to make things a little bit easier on you both.

Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for what is about to happen. You need to make sure that this is what you want to do. If you try and change your mind in the middle of this breakup it could easily lead to more heartache, and your partner being more frustrated. Take the time to really think about this. Once you have made your decision to break up you will want a few days without contact via phone, text, in person, etc. You don't want to be telling them one day how much you like them and breaking up with them the next.

Absolutely do not tell your friends what you are about to do. You want to ensure your partner is going to be the first person to know about this. You are a big boy or girl and you started this relationship by yourself. You are smart enough to know when things are not working out. Make your own decision as best you can.

As a quick tip make sure to silence your phone, turn off the TV, or computer. You don't want a bunch of distractions going on around you while you are trying to speak.

When you go to meet the person to breakup with them make sure to meet your partner at a private place. You want to make it somewhere that you feel safe and relaxed to break the news. Many people suggest finding a neutral location to do this. This can be helpful as you have a way to leave if things get really bad. If they are in your place or vice versa this could become a lot tougher.

You want to ensure you are meeting in person to do this. Talking on the phone, text, email, etc. are cop outs to doing this the correct way. You took the time to be in a relationship with them take the time to end it in person. When you go to break the news be calm but expect strong reactions from the other person so be prepared as you can be for this.

Have an idea of what you are going to say and offer a well deserved explanation. Everyone deserves to know the reason the breakup is occurring. There is no need to drag out every little detail, but be ready to explain yourself. Knowing what to say and how to say it will make you a lot calmer during the breakup process. There is no reason to get angry or upset as that will just make matter much worse.

You might start off by saying something like, "I don't think things are working out..." then go into the reason why they are not. This will give you a start into the hard conversation you know that is coming.

Again, make sure not to change your mind or leave any indication that it could work out. You want to be resolute in what you are doing. Make it very clear that it is absolutely over. Try to bring out the positives in the other as you talk to them and wish them the best luck in life. It sounds corny but it is the best you can do.

Never argue or point out faults that have led to the breakup decision. It's fine to give a reason but pointing out faults and digging into the other person is just mean and pointless. You are talking to them to end the relationship and not drag them down any further.

Afterwords, don't bad mouth them or spread any stories of the breakup. There are no parting gifts given to the other. Make sure to help the other person by not contacting them. As tempting as it might be to call them and make sure they are okay, DON'T! This can lead them into thinking you still are interested in them. Give them time to get over everything that has just happened.

Best Wishes,

Jon

Sexual Conversations

Gentleman,

I want to go over with you guys a topic that a lot of people feel shy or sometimes even embarrassed to discuss when with women. The idea of just being very sexual with a woman and in talking to her is taboo to many people who are not comfortable with their own sexuality. Everyone has insecurities about themselves sexually including women so it's perfectly understandable that this can make you uncomfortable at first, but it can also get you inside the heads of many woman. It helps to know what is going on up there.

Men and woman have been having sexual fantasies since the beginning of time. We all love to daydream of romance, or just down right dirty fantasies about women. Likewise, women have many similiar and some times more vivid thoughts. Now most male fantasies are just about the act of sex, where women have much more eleborate romantic fantasies most of the time. These fantasies start in us at a very young age and continue pretty much the rest of our lives.

Even people in committed relationships tend to fantasize about other people than their partner. At times this can cause shame and some guilt when this is admitted. However, the truth of the matter is their partner is very likely doing the same thing. However, many couples that share these facts with each other and get comfortable with them have great sex lives.

Remember that it is fine to share your thoughts and be comfortable with your sexuality in a conversation and it is even a desirable quality in men to be comfortable sexually. The idea that you are more comfortable with this than your piers can quickly place you in your own category amoung other men. Now when sharing your thoughts and ideas that come to your head you have to be careful of social stigma's.

Some of the thoughts that we have enter our minds could very easily wind us in jail having spoken them too quickly. You have to be careful about what you choose to discuss. My recommendation is to let a little bit leak out, almost as if accident when talking to a woman. The purpose of this is obviously to move things to a more seductive nature and to seperate yourself from the guys she would place into the "friends" category. Also, when just starting to "leak" out some sexual thoughts you can watch her body language and judge her responsiveness to this. Remember not everyone is comfortable expressing themsevles because of the social taboo that has been forced on women.

FACT: Group sex is one of the most highly ranked fantasy for women and men. The idea of most women being with two men or another woman is very hot. There are a great many woman I have talked to that embrace this idea, and it arouses them.

Is there a time we shouldn't be sexual to women.

Of course, there are times when its not appropriate to go into this conversation based on maybe your environment or the type of people around you. Most of this is best one on one but can be fun in a group as well. The trick is this. You can not fake this until you make it, so to speak. If you are not comfortable sexually yet then I wouldn't advise using this. This is a more advanced idea of talking to women. If you say you are uncomfortable but you aren't; then your body language will give you away. She will see you are lying to her and being incongruent.



When should we share some of our thoughts with someone?

There really is no wrong answer to this question which is the great part about it. I know some men who upon meeting women immediately start to sexualize the conversation within the first 5 minutes. The gentleman will twist the woman's words so that he intentionally misconstrues something she said as being sexual to see her reaction. If her reaction is somewhat favorable this repeats until the topic gets more in depth.

However, some men or more comfortable waiting until later on in the interaction when they have a more one on one time frame to talk. If you are following a certain guru's model this would be in the mid stages of comfort. Depending on if you just met the girl this could be after 30 minutes to the second date. There is nothing wrong with doing this and women respond to it.

I know I can hear some men doubting that women seriously think of us in just as erotic circumstances as men. If you doubt me allow me to provide a few exhibits for the courtroom of opinion. There are women on such sites as AdultFriendFinder, on Casual Encouters on Craigslist, and others. There are women who actively patrol these sites to enact their most private fantasies. Not to mention if you have glanced at the book My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday you will see time and time again more fantasies of women.

Misconstruing what someone is saying and becoming sexual with this is teasing and as we all know that teasing is a quality that builds attraction. Putting a sexual spin on it helps ensure we are moving away from just being a "friend" she likes to talk to and being a lover.

When the conversation heats up you can take it where you want. Its really amazing how much you can get away with saying when women open up to you. As things heat up I will often say to a woman, "It's amazing is it? That there are so many people out there that are uncomfortable with their sexuality. Many guys like my friend xxxx think women don't have fantasies. But the truth is women are just as sexual if not more so then men. Wouldn't you agree?"

Women agree with me and they mentally open themselves up to talking about sexually related things. There is a lot of good that can come from this. She is mentally agreeing with you that she is a sexual person just like you. From there things just get easier and lead to very romantic interests with that common bond.

Keep this in mind as you go about talking to women you meet.

Jon